"Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else."
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Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 17 of 192)
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"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."
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"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,' the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
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"Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care."
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"When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well."
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"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."
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"Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?"
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"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."
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"My socks DO match. They're the same thickness."
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"Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!"
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"I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas.""
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"I'm an atheist and I thank God for it."
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"In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge."
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"I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect."
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"Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful."
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"When all else fails, look cute."
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"Humor is one of the elements of genius--admirable as an adjunct; but as soon as it becomes dominant, only a surrogate for genius."
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"Are the gods not just?' 'Oh no, child. What would become us us if they were?"
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"A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'"
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"It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect."
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