"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
Read quote
100 likes
Quote collection
Mark Russell quotes (page 1 of 2)
24 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business."
Read quote
15 likes
"The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it."
Read quote
15 likes
"You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!"
Read quote
14 likes
"People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television."
Read quote
10 likes
"I think you can't write with anger. I think it always has to be with a wink. There always has to be an element of hope in what you write. Otherwise you're just getting mad and it's not going to be fun for anybody."
Read quote
10 likes
"A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women."
Read quote
8 likes
"I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner."
Read quote
8 likes
"You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game."
Read quote
7 likes
"If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once."
Read quote
7 likes
"If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel."
Read quote
7 likes
"Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break."
Read quote
7 likes
"Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability."
Read quote
6 likes
"The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth."
Read quote
6 likes
"You have the establishment and then you have the hippies revolting against the establishment, and what you end up getting are like accountants with long hair. And that's kind of what happened with the youth movement in the '70s."
Read quote
5 likes
"The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have been too soft. People want that red meat now because you have to keep up with the mood and the mood today is harsh. It really is."
Read quote
4 likes
"The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!"
Read quote
4 likes
"I think even the characters that are fundamentally evil and wrong, I want people to really love them. I think that's important to writing believable characters. They don't have to be likable but they have to be loved, at least by the author."
Read quote
3 likes
"I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny."
Read quote
3 likes
"I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person."
Read quote
3 likes