“Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 149 of 1263
“Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.”
“Music is like girlfriends to me; I'm continually astonished by the choices other people make.”
“Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.”
“I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'”
“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”
“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”
“Exaggeration is my only reality.”
“My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.”
“I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.”
“This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.”
“Do unto others, then run”
“That's what all we are: amateurs. We don't live long enough to be anything else.”
“Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
“If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.”
“Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?”
“Nowadays you don't go around on the street kicking people, punching people - because if you do (makes gun shape with hand), well that's it - I don't care how good you are.”
“There are three stages of an actor's career. Young, old, and "You look good".”
“Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.”
“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”