“The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 152 of 1263
“The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”
“Journalism is popular, but it is popular mainly as fiction. Life is one world, and life seen in the newspapers is another.”
“When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.”
“France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That's all it's there for.”
“Life is 440 horsepower in a 2-cylinder engine.”
“It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.”
“Each morning sees some task begin, each evening sees it close.”
“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
“Talking nonsense is man's only privilege that distinguishes him from all other organisms.”
“We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.”
“People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.”
“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”
“He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.”
“I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.”
“The problem with comedy audiences - it's like the Coliseum - when they see someone struggling, they don't feel altruistic towards them. They feel slightly repulsed by it.”
“Mystery is made a convenient Cover for absurdity.”
“Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.”
“Nothing is exciting if you know what the outcome is going to be.”
“We are nowhere forbidden to laugh.”